I was originally going to do only one article today. But consider this my two for the price of one sale. Christmas and the other end of year holidays will be upon us soon. I didn’t put up any decorations and skipped out on the apartment’s Christmas party. I don’t even do any shopping besides grocery shopping this time of year. All the lights, bell ringing, too loud music, and too over the top decorations really give me bad cases of sensory overload. Sometimes I can get sensory overload even driving in rush hour traffic. Just everything moving too fast, too many sites, and too many noises I suppose. So you can imagine how bad Christmas can be for me.
I’ll probably go to my parents’ house for a couple days but I doubt I’ll do anything with the extended family. Once again too much sensory overload and no means to tactfully excuse myself from such overload. I’m looking forward to the end of the holidays and the end of 2016 in general. I really haven’t watched that much football this year as it has lost much of it’s appeal for me. I just no longer enjoy watching it. I did watch playoff baseball but really haven’t watched any tv outside of netflix and youtube since the end of October.
I enjoy the colder weather. I’m happy for the longer nights and the decreased expectation that I always have to be going somewhere and spending time with someone outside of my apartment. I enjoy spending time in my apartment with my books, my internet, my music, and my computer games. When I want to talk to friends and family I can always call them over the phone or chat online and not have to be embarrassed or shamed if I want to end the conversation in a hurry. I really have no stomach for small talk or gossip. I guess I never have. Sometimes I am my own best company. I guess I adapted too well to spending most of my life alone. Anymore I prefer to be alone almost all the time. I haven’t had a roommate in over twelve years and I don’t see ever having a roommate again. Whoever invented the rules for human socializing never took mentally ill people into consideration.
Yet, I couldn’t be happier with my current living conditions, especially considering I have to fight a mental illness everyday. I guess that’s why holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas cause me some sadness in that I’m expected to socialize and engage in small talk against my will. I really don’t like going to Christmas parties, especially with people who I see in foul moods most of the year. I don’t like listening to Christmas carols, those songs don’t articulate my memories of Christmas from childhood or my feelings right now. I don’t like going to the mall and fighting crowds just so I can buy a couple items for myself. I don’t like being told to be jolly or of good cheer. I hated being told how to think as a kid and I hate being told how to think even more as an adult. I’ll feel however I like and just not talk about how I feel or think.
I’ll enjoy the holidays regardless if I do it in traditional ways. I can socialize, but I can do it for hours on end if I have some intelligent conversation. If small talk comes up I’ll be ready to leave after twenty minutes. It can be kind of tricky being mentally ill around the holidays. It can take a few years to figure out what works and what doesn’t. It certainly took me several years to figure out what to avoid and what to do to ensure a smooth holiday season.