Haven’t been in the mood for socializing much lately. It’s not because I’m feeling lousy and irritable. Far from it. I avoid socializing for the most part lately because almost everyone else I associate with is in lousy moods. I have run out of patience with people coming to me with their problems and not caring about mine. What makes things even worse is that no one I talk to complains about things they can immediately remedy. I’m tired of listening to my friends and family complain about this, that, and the third. You have problems, well good. That means that you are still alive. Everyone has problems, even I do. Surprised?
I haven’t even left my apartment for several days because I am tired of seeing and hearing so many people be in foul moods. I have been told that socializing is important to good mental health. Is it really when most other people are being negative and toxic? I finally had enough and shut off my phone this afternoon. Don’t come to me and expect me to listen to your gripes and not even have the courtesy to care about mine. I live below poverty levels. I am overweight. I have chronic back problems. My mental illness sometimes flares up but I don’t dare take it out on anyone.
I am lonely. I have almost no one to talk about things I want to talk about, outside of my own parents. It seems like most of my friends are in foul moods all the time anymore. And my neighbors are just as bad. I have to admit dealing with so many angry people is taking a toll on my psyche. About the only things I enjoy anymore are watching youtube videos and playing computer games. Most people will tell me this is a horrible way to live my life. It probably is, but dealing with angry and irritable people for most of my social interactions sounds even worse. And my friends and family wonder why I dropped out of society. I just don’t want to deal with other people’s toxic attitudes and behavior. I sometimes sleep just to feel better and not deal with other peoples’ madness. I probably sleep ten to twelve hours a day anymore. I have reached my breaking point.
Socializing is no longer enjoyable. Being by myself is far more enjoyable anymore. I have given up on telling people good news and sharing my enthusiasm for tech and science advances. Most my friends and family either think I am “fake news” or I am met with complete indifference. I would actually rather be told I am a liar than be met with indifference. I’m burned out on negative friends and family. I talk to only two or three people on facebook on a regular basis these days because of all the anger and hopelessness. I don’t know if it’s me or if all my friends and family went bad all at once.
Naturally no one sees these things the way I do. And if they do, they won’t bother to do anything to improve their situations. As it is, for now, I’m just staying out of sight and out of mind. I refuse to socialize with negative people. I lost much of my youth because I was raised to be a negative pessimist who was never pleased. I’ll be damned to spend my adulthood that way.