The weather is cooling off, especially over the last few days. The nights are almost as long as the days now, some farmers are beginning the harvest, farmers’ markets are open all over the place, and I’m getting outside more. I’ve had my windows open the last few days and I’ve pretty much stopped using my air conditioner. Yes the change of seasons is upon us.
I for one am glad that summer is over. Mentally I’m just not very stable during the summers. And I never could figure out why. I didn’t experience any true tragedies or trauma as a child. I was bullied in school but I know kids who got it worse than I did. I’m thinking many of my problems during the summers stem from dealing with the heat and humidity. I never did like hot weather. I like spring in the fact that there are still cool days but not weeks on end of hot weather. And I like fall because of the cooling weather, the fall leaves, and I’ve always enjoyed fall activities more than summer. I’m sure that being overweight doesn’t help in dealing with hot summers, let alone dealing with a mental illness.
Mentally I was more stable this summer than most previous summers. Even though I couldn’t do much with a bad back I was still pretty stable for the most part. Now that I’m healed from my back I am getting outside more. I am also eating less too. I can tell my stamina is coming back, more slowly than I would like but it’s still coming back. I think that I have made it through the roughest part of the year already. I hope that things keep getting better.
I have noticed a few changes with my mental illness over the last few years. I can tell that things that used to bother me real bad don’t bother me as much. If I had dealt with a problem a few years ago, I’d be angry for an hour or two. Now I’m over such things in only a couple minutes. I’ve become more accepting of the illness now. I’ve accepted that I’ll never have a great career or a family of my own. This used to bother me real bad as recently as five years ago. Now I’ve just accepted it and planned accordingly. Since I see that many of my friends are having problems at their jobs and marriages, I’m actually thankful in some regards that I never got to go that route. I have the problems of a mental illness but I don’t have the problems of a stressful job and hectic married life. I have a mental illness but I don’t have as much stress and pointless drama as my friends. And I love it. I don’t have much money or prestige but I do have peace of mind. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.