It’s been quiet on my end for the last few days. Haven’t had any real flare ups of schizophrenia or anxiety for several days. First time in weeks I’ve gone more than a couple days without any kind of flare up. It’s been strange not having drama in my life lately. It’s just something I’ve gotten used to. I’m actually amazed when I go through days when I don’t have to deal with some drama in my life or someone else’s overblown drama.
Even though it’s almost winter, I’ve been getting out of my apartment more. I make it a point to not socialize much in my apartment complex. I still have a few problem neighbors who like to keep the drama stirred. I never understood why there are people who can’t live without drama or irritating others. I was brought up that if I couldn’t get along with someone, it was best to leave them alone. Makes it tough to trust some people when I have trust issues.
Oddly, some of my best socializing comes just from bantering and joking with cashiers and store clerks. I didn’t do this in my twenties at all. But as I have gained social skills and figured out that not everyone out there wants to take advantage of others, it has gotten easier and even fun. Found that the ones I get the best reactions out of our night shift clerks and cashiers in the 25 to 45 bracket. The younger clerks take a little more priming before they’ll joke with me. The older clerks usually won’t joke with me at all. And this is even with my jokes not being of the unsafe for work categories. I’m finding that many younger people just don’t seem that confident at work. I certainly wasn’t when I worked in my twenties. I never thought that others had that problem. I didn’t gain any real confidence in myself or even appreciation for my abilities until I was thirty. That was also the age when I came to the conclusion that I did not have to tolerate poor and uncivil behavior from others. While I was still figuring my way through my delusions and irrational fears, I thought I was the only one who had these problems. I just never knew that even those without mental illnesses had problems with not having confidence. Unfortunately that’s stuff I couldn’t learn in any book.