Socializing With Rude People While Mentally Ill

Been trying my hand at being more social in person and online the last couple weeks.  Turns out it’s causing me more frustrations than anything.  I try to talk to people in my complex, all they want to do is complain.  I try to talk to my friends and family online, all the want to do is complain about anything and everything.  And I’m burned out on socializing after only a couple weeks.  I’m going back to hiding out with my books and computers.  At this point I don’t want visitors in my apartment at all.  I don’t want to socialize in person anymore, at least until normal people stop complaining about anything and everything.  Socializing is supposed to be fun, remember?  Does anyone just take a night off from their troubles and have a few laughs?  Certainly doesn’t seem like from my friends and family and friends of friends anymore.  I have better conversations with several of the members of my science and futurism groups than I do with most people I’ve known my entire life anymore.  And I’m never going to meet any of these people in person.  It’s quite sad, at least I think it is.  I’m not delusional enough to believe if I moved to a larger city that my social prospects would ever change.  It’s not that I fear stupid and rude people in themselves.  I am scared that eventually I will become stupid, rude, and jaded myself.  I don’t want that to happen.  I don’t want my heart and soul to die because most people around me allowed theirs to die long ago.  If isolating from other people is going to keep me humane, than so be it.  It has been said that men go insane in herds and only come to their senses one at a time.  True, too painfully true.  Too bad pessimism is the spirit of our age, at least it is for most people I deal with on a regular basis.

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