I’m probably putting myself on the line, may lose a few friends, and make myself a moving target for anyone who doesn’t understand me or mental illness, but I got to write this anyway. As a schizophrenic I have readily admitted to not knowing what makes average people tick. Maybe the fact I don’t know how to act around average people makes me schizophrenic to begin with. Perhaps it’s the fact I simply do not know how ‘normal’ people socialize nor do I know how to interpret why normal people act the way they do is what separates the mentally ill from the chronically normal. Perhaps the defect in myself is not a genetic one but one in simply looking at the universe in a way that is not considered socially and culturally the norm. I am somewhat intrigued to see that mentally ill individuals often are better adjusted in developing nations where the bounds of community and family are much stronger than in the more developed nations of Europe, North America, and eastern Asia. But I stress again, you normals, I have been trying to figure you guys out ever since I was five years old and I found out very harshly I didn’t see the world the same way you guys go. And trying to figure your kind out gives me more problems and headaches as does this blasted schizophrenia.
I can live with the voices that tell me I am stupid, worthless, a failure, and undeserving of life, love, liberty, the chance at happiness, and the other comforts you normals so willingly take for granted. I’ve dealt with that nonsense for half of my life and all my adult life. I can deal with the sometimes unexplainable bouts of depression and sadness at what I could have been. What I can’t figure out are you normals and the unspoken rules you set up for yourselves and didn’t bother to write down for those of us who may have missed the memos. And I sure can’t figure out why you normals feel like you have a God given responsibility to harass, annoy, and irritate those who are weaker than you or just want to be left to their own projects and lives.
I readily admit that those out there in the world, let alone those in my life, that need to read this aren’t going to read this. You normals don’t seem to have an attention span longer than fifteen seconds nor do you seem to comprehend any concepts more advanced than any taught beyond fourth grade. Be that as it is I’ll continue on with this post merely for the sake if this does happen to be read at some point in the future. Will one of you normals, any of your normals, please explain to me why, why do you feel a need to gloat, troll, and generally all around be disrespectful of anyone who has a different opinion or has any difference for that matter? If the universe or God or whatever is in charge would have meant for every object and organism to be exact replicas of each other, then you better believe we would all be the same. There wouldn’t even be any organisms capable of being conscious of being able to distinguish other organisms from itself if we were all meant to be exactly the same. Why don’t you normals get that and just allow for the differences to exist without antagonizing others who don’t look or act or think exactly the same way you do? Do you normals just thrive under conflict and controversy? I have to think that you normals do. I have to think that having some conflict, or conquest, or mythical dragon to slay is what drives the average human, and thus mankind in general. But I will say though, it sure makes things quite brutal for those of us you don’t readily consider normal who don’t thrive on conflict and conquest.
Perhaps the reason I myself and those like me have mental problems and don’t function well in modern civilization is because we don’t thrive on conflicts, divisions, and controversy. Have an aggravating and conflict filled day where you can slay the demons if you are normal and have a calm and still day if you are like myself and don’t thrive and conquest and anger. Have the kind of day your soul craves.
P.S. Note to wordpress.com: You new setup for where your bloggers enter their blog posts and set their key search terms doesn’t work well, is anything but user friendly, and is aggravating. I enjoyed working with the older setup much more. I could be like a typical normal and say ‘it sucks’ etc., but like I just wrote I don’t thrive under conflict and I don’t like using hateful terms except when I am under a psychotic break.
A Life Of Mental Illness 
I’m not sure who decides what and who is normal. It may vary from culture to culture? I do know social norms seem silly to me. Being interrupted by a “Hello” because I forgot a greeting when I’m tellng something very important seems petty and antagonistic.
the word normal is a very broad spectrum, it is very hard to define normal , for you schizophrenia is normal …. it is your reality … so anyone without schizophrenia would be viewed as odd or hard to figure out ….. just as I with severe manic depression …. view manic depression as my normal, I understand and can relate to those who are also manic depressive ( called bipolar now a days ), while I can not walk in your normal world because I do not have schizophrenia , I can however have empathy towards you as well as those with various other mental illnesses , on some level I can relate … while I do not hear actual voices, I do replay the ghosts of words spoken to me throughout my life and childhood over and over again in a constant never ending loop inside my brain where memories are kept…. I still hear my own mothers words telling me that she hated me, i ruined her life, i am going to be a no good drunk just like my father when i grow up etc… I am 49 years old and I still hear those words ….
I think most of the people , even those that we call “normal” what ever that is… all have a mental illness of some sort… most are simply unaware that they do , if they hear voices they assume everyone does because it is normal for them, if they are depressed they think everyone is etc … and they too can not fully understand those that are different than them .
This is going to be long, but please bear with me. One of the sad parts of my mental illness is that no one suspects I’m this way when they first meet me or even after a few meetings. I have had several former employers who were shocked when I left jobs because I couldn’t internally handle the anxiety or the voices wouldn’t shut up about what a terrible job I was doing or how all my coworkers hated me. If it wasn’t for government sponsored disability insurance I’d be dead or in prison. Sobering thoughts when I consider how well I did in school before I became mentally ill. You have your hangups and problems with your manic depression and I have mine with schizophrenia. I just have a hard time wrapping my mind around the euphoric highs and bursts of energy that often come with that illness. I simply do not know how to properly interact with other people to be effective in any workplace. I don’t know how to read them. I don’t even know if someone cares about me unless they come straight out and state as much. Of all the friendships I’ve ever had, I never got comfortable enough to know I was in good standing with a person unless the friendship lasted at least three years. This inability to read people made dating extremely stressful and terrifying. I haven’t dated at all in ten years because of this. I don’t argue with people unless I am very angry with them. Thank God arguments don’t happen often as my three best friends I have known for twenty two, sixteen, and fourteen years, respectively. I have never once had an argument with these three. We raised our voices a couple times but things never got to shouting matches. Fortunately I didn’t have as brutal an upbringing as you did. My parents were intelligent and high achieving (both worked in the medical professions) who wanted their two sons to go on to do great things because they recognized we had a lot to work with at a very early age. There was the mediocrity isn’t acceptable and average isn’t good enough memes going on. Thank you for the comments. I hope you enjoy the writings. I always enjoy hearing from readers.
Nobody can fully understand another person – ‘normal’ or not. We all have inner landscapes different in some ways than others. It must be frustrating as hell not to have a clue about decoding the behavior of the majority of other people. I know that first hand, even being so-called normal. I also couldn’t figure out other people, had no dates in high school and three in all of my college years. If one is lucky, one eventually surrounds oneself with people who have some degree of understanding, and one gains understanding of them.
Normals are not a monolithic group, nor are those with mental illnesses or disorders. There might be others out there (like your close friends, for example) who have the capacity to understand your situation. But if you don’t give them an idea of what it is like being you (I know that is risky), they are in the same boat as you are: clueless.
I enjoy your writing. Keep up the good work.
best wishes,
Jack
Thanks for the blog. Everyone’s normal is different. I believe some people rather like conflict but most do not enjoy it. I’m sorry you don’t have a clue about cues! ( Anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia should be enough.) Keep moving as sunshine, exercise and being outside can improve these conditions. And, 2016 could be a great year.
Thank you for the post. It helped me.
Reblogged this on A Life Of Mental Illness.