Zach Foster

7 min read

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Just now

Mentally I’m still feeling well. Haven’t had any serious mental issue since last June. I’m even to where I haven’t had auditory hallucinations in several months.

My auditory hallucinations were usually of footsteps in the hallway, inaudible voices I couldn’t see, etc. Fortunately, never had any visual hallucinations. And my auditory hallucinations were always worse during times of great stress and anxiety.

I’ve also not suffering paranoia nearly as much. I used to have paranoia issues for many years. I was often paranoid about getting evicted from my apartment. I was paranoid about upsetting my neighbors. I was paranoid that strangers were watching me at all times. I had paranoias about people listening in on my phone conversations and going through my garbage. I even had paranoias about strangers reading my online bank statements.

Since I now live in the burbs with my elderly family, I really have no fear of being evicted now. First time in ages that I’m fearful of being one bad day away from the streets or prison. And my family is arraigning that, after my elderly parents die, the house will become mine.

Social Security Disability allows recipients of disability pension (like me) to own their own home. Yet, at the same time, they won’t allow recipients to have more the 2,000 dollars in bank savings at any given time. $2000 isn’t enough to cover car repairs, buy most new appliances, or even cover property taxes in some places. In short, Social Security Disability rules on assets for recipients are woefully outdated.

Other updates include that, after my parents die, my brother has said he will take over as my Medical Power of Attorney if that is my desire. My brother and I have made amends for the way we were growing up. I guess 23 years of marriage, a career, raising children, and becoming a pillar of the community will change anyone. In my brother’s case, it changed him for the better.

I’m losing weight again. My meals are usually quite simple. Even though I love to cook for myself, my mother usually volunteers to make our meals. I’ve found that if I let others do my cooking, I’m less apt to make massive portions or ask for seconds.

My edema is getting back under control. I’ve been having bad swelling from water retention, mostly in my groin and hips. The swelling was bad enough it made walking difficult. Shortly after I solve the problems of joint pains in my knees and ankles, the edema causes swelling to where I can barely walk. Just another problem to solve.

Been on Lasix for over five weeks to treat the swelling. It definitely works. Doctor has also put me on strict fluid restrictions. Which I would have probably done on my own as it was getting irritating having to go to the bathroom many times a day just from peeing off the existing fluid plus what I was putting in on a daily basis.

My blood work is good. I’m not diabetic. My blood pressure is good. My cholesterol and other readings are excellent. Right now, the big goal is to get rid of the edema and restrengthen my heart.

I quit sleeping in the recliner all night. I still nap in it, but my best sleep comes from sleeping in a traditional bed. My back pain is pretty much as solved as it’s going to get. If I can sit on the side of the bed for a few minutes before I have to get up, I have few problems. I have zero problems if I can get to my walker easily and use it to get down the hall to my “office.”

I currently live in a three bedroom, two bath, house in the suburbs of Oklahoma City. I live with my parents, both of whom are in their seventies. I now pay rent as my Social Security Disability Insurance payments have FINALLY settled into something predictable. It feels good to be able to make budgets again.

My financial situation wasn’t the most stable between May 2022 and September 2023. In May 2022, I went to a long-term care facility (at my request). I knew I had far more troubles with my physical health than I could manage on my own, especially since I was also paranoid about getting evicted from my apartment.

The years 2019 to mid 2022 were very stressful for me. And the pandemic made things far worse even though I never caught covid. I treated that time the same way I would have had I gotten sent to war.

Going back to the long term care facility, I had the very long term goal that I was eventually going to get my heart problems straightened out, get my mobility problems treated, and eventually move to Oklahoma City area with the rest of my family. Long story short, my brother came to Oklahoma for engineering school, loved OKC so much he not only never left, but talked the rest of our household to move down here with him, his wife, and their four children.

When I first moved to long term care, I thought it would take at least two years to get my heart and mobility straightened out. I wanted to eventually move to Oklahoma to be with the rest of my family. I remember one of the speakers at my high school graduation back in 1999 saying something like ‘be kind to your relatives. You’ll probably need them more than you can now realize when you get older.

Well, my two years of recovery turned out to need only eight months. It took a couple months to get the heart meds and mobility problems solved. Once the heart was solved, I started physical rehab to rebuild my heart.

I was officially scheduled to do physical therapy three times a week for four months. In addition to my regular therapy, I would go into the therapy room to lift weights and ride recumbent bikes on the weekends. The facility I lived in was a long-term care facility, hospital, physical therapy office, assisted living, all under one roof.

It was also enough of a laid-back place that the nurses didn’t mind me wheeling myself outside to the flower gardens a few times per week as long as I told a nurse where I was going. I even had one of my neighbors in long term care, a 98-year-old retired farmer, who joked that I was ‘faster in a wheelchair than most people on two good feet.’ The staff always celebrated our gains in physical therapy, especially mine.

The food at the facility was good, but the portions were limited. Those limited portions allowed me to lose 90 pounds in those eight months. When I left that facility in February 2023, I was the lightest I had been in ten years. And I was eating homemade staples like turkey and dressing, potato soup, sausages, eggs and bacon, biscuits and gravy, etc. Heck, the staff even allowed me to use their vending machine so I could buy soda pops and Gatorade for myself (as long as I paid for it myself). Few things felt as good as an orange Gatorade after a long physical rehab session.

Obviously, I could have never had this kind of 180-degree recovery without being on Social Security Disability and not wound-up bankrupt. Some may think I abused the system to get healthier, but I wasn’t ready to give up just yet. Abused the system? Well, I certainly got more creative than most people in my position would have been.

I realized that in the process of taking care of my mental health, I wrecked my physical health. Now that I have my mental health taken care of, I just was well going for getting the physical health back. I just couldn’t allow myself to die wondering ‘what if.’ Sure, the odds were against me, but I couldn’t honorably face my death without knowing that I tried even desperate measures to save my physical health. Turns out, my gamble is starting to pay off. I pulled off my master plan, and in less time than I thought it would take. Hell yes, I am proud of myself for pulling this off.