Decreases in Chronic Pains

My knee and back pains are completely gone. Have been for over a week now. I had forgotten what it was like to walk without pain. I’m now in the process of getting my heart stronger. Still have shortness of breath after standing for a few minutes. Can tell my walking distance is getting a little longer with each passing day. Don’t use a walker in my house, but usually still keep at least one of my hands free in case I need to brace on a wall. I don’t need my wheelchair anymore except for when I go out in public and have to travel long distances. 

Getting in and out of cars and vans is easy now. I still haven’t tried the step up into a pickup truck yet. But I really don’t see why it would be much of a problem. My water retention has gone down drastically in the last few days. Have to take some over the counter diuretic but it’s doing the trick. I can walk a lot easier now. 

Sleep Patterns and Mental Health

Most nights I’m up all night except for a couple hours sleep sessions twice a night. Get most of my best sleep in the late mornings now. I’ve found that my sleep patterns change with the seasons. I usually am the most anxious and depressed in the summers. I’m usually my happiest in the spring. Usually write my best material in the fall and winter. So there is a seasonal aspect to my mental health. Even as a student I did better academically in the spring than the autumn.

Haven’t had problems with mental health in several months. It helps that I go out of my way to avoid stressful people and situations. People in general and in person are far more stressful to me than most. Being alone for days at a time doesn’t bother me. Actually, prefer socializing over the phone or online as opposed to in person. I certainly don’t like being out in public with large numbers of people.

Won’t be going to any big Christmas celebrations this year. My parents are hosting one at our house where it will be just the three of us and my brother, his wife, and their four kids. I usually prefer to host guests for holiday gatherings anymore. I still avoid family gatherings. Have for several years now. The last several years of crisis after crisis has taught whom I can and can’t trust. Sadly, I’ve found I can trust complete strangers more than I can some family members I’ve known my entire life. That really sours a lot of things for me.

Thinking About Getting Back Out on My Own

After living in the guest wing of my parents’ house for ten months, I’m so ready to have my own place again. While I probably would be safer here in the suburbs, there is no way I can afford to live here on just a disability pension. I really don’t need the space of an entire house anyway. I could easily get away with a studio apartment if I didn’t have to navigate stairs and could avoid my neighbors all the time.

An ideal place would be exactly what I had back in Nebraska for 16 years but on ground floor and without nosy neighbors. I’m at the point in my life where I’ve come to the conclusion, I’m not going to please most people, so I just avoid them as much as possible. Out of sight, out of mind I suppose. I don’t care if I please anyone. I just don’t want to hear about anymore. Far too many people can’t be pleased no matter what. Being a people pleaser is a fool’s errand.

Diet and Weight Loss

I’m feel like I’ve been losing weight for the last several weeks. Originally lost 170 pounds between January 2020 and February 2023. Gained 20 pounds back in the first three months here in Oklahoma. Changed my diet after that. I gave up bread, most sugars, most carbs, cut back on portion size, stopped snacking between meals, etc.

While I buy my share of the family food, I have found it easier to do portion controls if I have either my mom or dad make my meals instead of myself. While I am perfectly capable of handling myself in the kitchen, even with a wheelchair, I found I eat less if I have someone else handing out the portions. Still order delivery pizza two to three times per month as my only splurge. 

For the most part I keep to myself. I do chat with my parents usually a couple times per day. But I make it a point to not bother them much. I’ve found I do a lot better when I’m not expected to socialize all the time. Don’t watch for tv, so I usually retreat to my office and my writings when my parents want to watch a few westerns or binge watch a few shows on Netflix.

Conclusions

Overall things have been going very well since the end of summer. Once a handicap accessible apartment becomes available, everything I sought to accomplish since I started physical rehab and medical treatments for heart failure back in May 2022 will have been accomplished. I just didn’t think I would be as far along as I am now a year and a half ago.