Socializing and Discouragement

I admit to being more lazy than usual about my postings.  But I haven’t felt like socializing much the last couple weeks and have more or less stayed home if at all possible.  Haven’t been much in the mood to read much so I’ve been watching more comedy videos.  I haven’t even been in the mood much to follow the baseball playoffs.  That is definitely out of the ordinary for me.

Even though I feel stable overall, I am quite lonely too.  I manage to keep myself occupied with comedy shows, listening to music, playing computer games, etc.  But I haven’t been socializing much and I think it’s starting to make me lonely.  I hosted my parents and my aunt for a couple hours a few days ago when they were in town.  Other than this I haven’t had much for social life.  I find it harder all the time to connect with friends over social media.  Seems like no one just wants to chat with friends and have a good time anymore.  Quite sad if you ask me.

As it is I keep to myself anymore.  I am starting to have entire days when I don’t leave my apartment now.  It’s just too painful trying to stay in a positive mood and socialize when most people around want to be irritable and angry all the time.  I try to tell people the positives of what is going on but no one acknowledges this.  I’m am almost always met with dead silence from everyone except my tech groups and my own mother.  Kind of discouraging that I’m almost forty and the best socializing I get is from my own parents.  And people wonder why I’m starting to sleep twelve hours a day again.  Socializing is just too discouraging now.

Fortunately I’m not having hallucinations anymore.  But the sadness of not having anyone to even chat with for even a few minutes is getting to me.  I am generally pretty happy overall but I can’t even share this happiness because no one else wants it.  And that’s really discouraging.  Makes me glad I’m an introvert by nature.

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